It's strange how a simple walk can change everything. In one of my recent posts, I told you gals, at least I think you're all gals, about how confused I was.

Yesterday, I had to escape my house. I used the excuse of going to the library and instead, went to the St. Joe River Park in Niles. And proceeded to walk from one end of the park to the other.

I stopped a lot to look at the river and the beauty of the area. Really, if there was one place I could live, it would be on the St. Joe river. Or rather, near enough I could look out my window and see it. Ever since I was little, I've always thought of it as 'my river'. I still remember when I accidentally feel into the East Race. A canoe-er, eh is that even a word?, picked me out of the water.

But I just walked the mile and a half from where I parked at the start of the path to the end of the path where the path literally is ended by a tree line. And as I was walking there, I realized something.

For the last three years, I've been hiding behind a mask.

On the mile and a half trek back, I stopped a secluded dock and pulled out the notebook I carried with me. Note-it says carried. And I tore out all the pages and ripped them into shreds. What I did next wasn't exactly environmentally friendly, but one scrap of paper at a time, I let them go into the river. An hour later, when the last piece of gone, it felt like a weight was lifted.

Now, before anyone chews me out for damaging the environment, please understand that there is a time and a place for everything. Yesterday at the river was that time and that place.

Ever since I did that yesterday, it's like a veil has been lifted and I can see everything clearly now. I've decided to get my friend back but not try to pick up the pieces of an old relationship. I'm done with Mike Kelley once and for all. No more anything. He's the reason why the mask was created.

I won't hide behind the Tessa name anymore. Oh, I'll still use it for writing. That's what it was originally created for. But in everyday life, I'll go back to Alysia.